Sweet intoxication
by Akemi Maxwell
Summary: Ever wondered what a drunk Heero does? You are about to find out. This is another crazy fic of mine. You have been warned.


Sweet intoxication  
  
By Akemi  
  
11-13-03  
  
Inspired by cocoa puffs and soda. Salomon2, thanks for the tips. Thanks to you too Cleo!  
  
Oh, yeah! I don't own GW so don't go suing me!  
  
* Hums the theme to star wars * Thumbwars! ~  
  
Heero stuffed his luggage, smiling to himself as he neatly folded his clothes. He pulled open a third drawer, his underwear and pajama drawer, and dumped them onto his bed, sorting them out for folding.  
  
A longhaired beauty watched him with a goofy face, lying upside down between Heero's suitcase and pile of clothing, "Hey, Chi, why don't you just stuff them into the suitcase all at once?"  
  
"Because that is messy and unorganized," Heero glanced down at his silly companion, "And don't call me 'Chi'"  
  
"Why not? It means "wisdom" or "intellect". I'm calling you smart!" Duo's lips curled and he let out a half laugh, half cough.  
  
"Well, I don't take kindly to nicknames," Heero moved a stack of clothes over Duo and into the suitcase, the braided cutie watching his every move with those cobalt eyes that everyone had grown to love.  
  
"Still, after a few weeks of it, it kinda sticks," Duo smiled wryly and covered his face and Heero's hand dove down for an attack.  
  
"'Hee-chan' wasn't enough for you?" Heero wrapped his hand around Duo's neck, shaking him semi-violently, while the braided boy clung onto Heero's arm.  
  
"It's either chi or chocolate haired boy!" Duo giggled.  
  
"Actually," Heero stopped shaking Duo, but still kept his hand gripped around Duo's neck, "My hair is Moss green, it only looks brown."  
  
Duo stopped smiling and double took at Heero's mop of messy hair, "How long have you been hiding that from me?" he squinted from his upside down state, "Now that I look at it, it IS kinda green looking, but only if the light hits it a certain way."  
  
"See?" Heero released his death grip from Duo's neck and finished packing the last of his clothes, "Are you all set?"  
  
"Yeah, but do you think I can take the video camera?" Duo flipped onto his belly in one flop.  
  
"Hey, it's yours, do what you want with it," Heero dragged his suitcase off the bed, heaving a little as he carried it out the door.  
  
Meanwhile Duo raced back to his own room and grabbed his bag. He knocked on Quatre's door on the way down the hallway, "You all ready, Q?"  
  
"Just a minute, Duo, I'm making a checklist to see if we have everything. Wait in the car with the others." Quatre sat on the end of his bed with a pencil in his mouth, reading over a paper.  
  
Duo smiled and continued his way down the stairs and out the front door. He tossed his bags in the back of the car, next to Wufei's, and crawling through the back, made his way to the middle, his usual seat. Heero unfolded a map and sighed as he found their current position.  
  
"Ain't this exciting?" Duo blurted suddenly, getting all up in Wufei's face.  
  
"Not really, except for the fact that Sally will be there," Wufei semi- smiled and thought of his golden locked beauty.  
  
Duo only quirked his head and smiled, "I think she's hot too, Wufei," He then made a coy face, pretending to lick things that weren't there.  
  
"You can say that again," Heero suddenly blurted out those foreign words.  
  
"Did you just say what I think you just said?" Duo poked his head into the front, "Those words, coming from Yuy?"  
  
"I couldn't help myself," Heero said coyly, his eyes not moving from the map. His face registered with satisfaction as he memorized the routes and exits that were to be made.  
  
The driver's door opened and Trowa hopped in, leaning over to look at Heero's map, "Got it?"  
  
"Yeah," Heero replied and began a meticulous explanation of his plan. Duo watched as Trowa bobbed his head up and down. He looked like a chicken pecking at corn. This made Duo laugh.  
  
The car bounced as Quatre pushed the trunk shut and stepped into the car, seating himself behind the drivers seat and besides Duo. The ex-pilots looked back and forth at each other before Duo started screaming  
  
"LET"S GO!!! Sacramento, AWAY!!!"  
  
~  
  
Heero's eyes flickered as he drove. Trowa yawned, just waking up from his nap. Duo watched tiredly, waiting for the right moment . . .  
  
"Heero, let me drive now," Trowa stretched and stared wide-eyed and fully energized at the sleepy, baggy-eyed Heero.  
  
The Prussian eyed boy didn't say a word and pulled over, switching seats with Trowa. He then crawled into the back seat, while Wufei and Quatre slept in the way back of the car, trying to find some comfort on their suitcases and bags. Heero stretched out onto the backseat and pulled a pillow under his head.  
  
Duo smiled, the moment he'd been waiting for finally here, and laid beside his favorite soldier, yawning and rested the side of his face on the back of Heero's head. He closed his eyes, "Trowa, how close are we?"  
  
"Halfway there," came the response.  
  
"Hear that, Chi? We're halfway there," Duo whispered into Heero's ear.  
  
"Don't. . .call. . .me 'chi'," Heero said in his sleep.  
  
~  
  
Heero awoke feeling something wet on his face. He felt Duo's heavy head on his and pushed the braided boy off him, wiping the wet off his face. Drool. It was Duo's drool! Heero freaked and sat up, and grabbed a wet nap from under the seat and wiped his face thoroughly.  
  
Duo yawned and sat himself up, staring droopily at Heero, whose hair was all over the place. He then peeked into the back, seeing Quatre and Wufei were still asleep. He smiled and turned back around to see Heero's pale face.  
  
"I'd do anything for some coffee," Heero said rubbing his upper arms and his hair was still standing up.  
  
"I've got chocolate," Duo smiled and reached into the back, his butt sticking up into the air. He flopped back down beside Heero and gave him a bar. He smiled giddily as he watched Heero pop the chocolate into his mouth.  
  
Heero's eyes shot open wide, "Oh . . . oh my god," he chewed slowly with his eyes closed in delight, "What kind is this?"  
  
"It's specially made milk chocolate," Duo stuffed the back under the seat, "You like it?"  
  
"Hell yes," Heero stuffed more into his mouth, half moaning, half laughing.  
  
Trowa made a long intact of breath before letting it out, signaling that he was now awake, and he turned to the two boys in the back, "Is that chocolate I smell?"  
  
Duo pointed at Heero.  
  
"Guilty as charged," Heero smiled.  
  
~  
  
"K, guys! We made it to the hotel Sally told us they would be at," Trowa pulled into the parking lot of a Holiday Inn.  
  
Duo rolled down the window and stuck half his body out the window, searching for Sally's green Acura. He squinted, scanning for any green cars. Finally he became ecstatic, "Hai! There they are!"  
  
Sally spotted Duo sticking half his body out of the car like a dumbass, "Oh god, what an idiot," she put her hand to her forehead and shook her head. Relena, Une, Noin and Milliardo, who had come with Sally, just laughed, feeling like they did that year. . .  
  
"Sounds like our boys," Noin smiled.  
  
Three minutes later, Duo came sprinting down the parking lot like a mad thing until jumping into Milliardo's arms, knocking him onto the ground, "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!" Duo's pupils were disturbingly small and he drooled as he squeezed Milliardo's face with his hands, sitting on the man's chest. Milliardo's eyes darted back and forth in confusion and nervousness and Duo's hands squeezed his face, making his cheeks become puffy. "Wow! Man! It's like! It's like been forever!!"  
  
Heero dragged his overexcited friend off Milliardo's chest as everyone else greeted each other. Trowa shook hands with Une, Wufei gave Sally a friendly hug, and Quatre was talking up a storm with Relena and Noin. As soon as Duo was up he skipped up to sally and forced her into an embrace.  
  
This arrangement left Heero with Milliardo. They stared into each other's eyes, as if trying to figure out the other's feelings and thoughts. Heero felt equal with Milliardo, despite the fact that Heero was shorter in stature. Though a feeling of, 'he's scary lookin'' would come over Heero for a few seconds. Milliardo suddenly smiled and raised his arm, holding a hand to his former enemy from two years ago.  
  
Heero looked from the hand to Milliardo, then back to the hand, slowly raising his own and grabbing firmly onto Milliardo's extended one. He smiled proudly as he shook Milliardo's hand for the second time in his life.  
  
Relena watched from a few feet away, feeling proud of her brother, 'Milliardo . . . how bold of you to give up your hate for your enemies and let go of your past.'  
  
~  
  
"Aita heyaga arimasuka?" Heero asked the Japanese man at the front desk.  
  
"Hai," Then he smiled, "But you didn't have to ask in Japanese." He laughed, "Yes, there is a vacancy for tonight."  
  
Heero blushed a little, embarrassed that he didn't ask in English first.  
  
"We already have our rooms," Sally said, pointing vaguely at the people who accompanied her.  
  
Heero nodded, and turned to his friends, "We need to figure out who's with who here, guys."  
  
"I'm bunking with you!!" Duo said immediately after Heero finished.  
  
"One could only guess," Trowa shook his head in reaction to Duo's outburst, "How 'bout me, Q and Wufei, unless that is, you would rather be alone, Wufei?"  
  
Wufei shook himself back to reality as he dreamed of Sally Poe, "Oh, I will stay with Sally."  
  
Duo's jaw dropped and he fidgeted, trying to find the right words, "W-what? That-that--What?! You! Err!!" He stomped trying to get his mouth in order, "YOU are going to bunk in with Relena and Sally?? They're sharing a room, you know!"  
  
Wufei shrugged, "So? Point is?"  
  
"They're two girls! It's like, invading privacy! Sure, I can see with Sally alone, but TWO girls? Man, Wufei, you are a player!" Duo slapped Wufei on the shoulder.  
  
"Excuse me?" Wufei blurted, "I'm doing it for Sally! It's not like I'll pull any moves on Relena or anything!"  
  
Duo was relieved, thinking, 'God forbid!'  
  
The hotel rooms were decorated finely; two beds, a TV, a window above the beds, a standing lamp in the corner of the room, and even a little fishbowl with a single goldfish in it, sitting on a desk between the beds by the phone.  
  
"Wow, this is great!" Duo flopped down on the left bed, claiming it for his own. He stared at the little fish in the bowl, poking his finger to the glass.  
  
Heero laid his bags down and checked out the room, "Tell the others we will be meeting in here."  
  
~  
  
That night, after moving into their rooms, the gang gathered into Duo and Heero's room.  
  
"This is an important day in our lives," Sally started her small speech, "We are gathered here, to reach the 'Preventers' convention, so you pilots can become full members of our Preventers team!"  
  
"WOOOOOO!!!!" Duo screamed and glomped onto Quatre who just smiled wryly. Everyone else clapped, giving Duo a disturbed stare.  
  
Duo disappeared under the bed momentarily before popping back out with four cases with beer. He smiled setting them onto the bed; "I knew this would be a nice evening so I bought us some drinks for the occasion!"  
  
"Duo! How did you get your hands on that?" Sally was surprised as Duo handed her a bottle.  
  
"A friend," Was Duo's simple answer, as he passed around some bottles.  
  
Quatre and Relena looked at their bottles, then at each other. "I won't participate in alcoholic beverages," Quatre said, speaking for both him and Relena, "We'll go get some other drinks if you don't mind."  
  
"Suit yourself," Duo said popping off the cap and taking a gulp, as Quatre and Relena took off down stairs. He sighed as he swallowed and glanced at Heero who was looking a little confused at his bottle. "What's the matter, Chi? Never had beer before?"  
  
"Exactly," Heero said surprisingly.  
  
A little hush came upon the others. Duo's smile turned into a curious little frown, "You haven't had ANY alcohol? Ever?" Heero nodded.  
  
Duo smiled, "Well, this outta' be interesting! I'll help you get through it, k?" he popped the cap off Heero's bottle, "C'mon, take a swig!"  
  
Heero stared at his bottle for a minute, his mouth turning into a squiggly frown. He closed his eyes and threw back his head, taking a large gulp. After swallowing, he suddenly jerked forward, coughing.  
  
Duo patted his back, "Nice, huh?"  
  
Heero recovered from his reaction to the alcohol before smiling, "Hell yeah!" He sipped his frequently now.  
  
Duo turned back to Milliardo, "So. What have you been up to lately?"  
  
Milliardo sipped his beer before going on, "I've been traveling most of the Earth, sometimes doing odd jobs just for the hell of it."  
  
"Sounds a little exciting," Duo said with a little hint of sarcasm in his voice.  
  
"And what about you?" Milliardo put the bottle up to his lips.  
  
"Um, well, not much compared to you. I've been salvaging parts and selling them off, you know, the usual, with my occasional trips to the moon." Duo looked up in thought as he put the bottle up his lips for a quick sip.  
  
Milliardo nodded his head in approval and looked to Heero, who fished another beer from the package. Was that Heero's second one? Wow, that was quick.  
  
Twenty minutes later, everyone was enjoying himself or herself, getting a little tipsy. The same could be said for Heero who was full out drunk.  
  
Heero felt thirsty. The gang wasn't watching him, so he looked around the room for some water. His eyes fell upon the fishbowl. He picked up the bowl and took a sip of the cool water. Then he threw back his head and downed the bowl.  
  
"So, I guess then-" Sally's eyes caught a glimpse of the boy, "HEERO, NO!!!" Duo, Sally and Noin yanked the bowl from Heero's grasp; everybody minus Heero stared into the bowl.  
  
"Where's the fish?"  
  
"OH MY LORD!!!" Everyone said in unison, raising his or her head and staring at a goofy smiling Heero.  
  
Duo pushed Heero onto the bed, flat on his back, and opened Heero's jaws staring down into Heero's mouth. After two long minutes, he spoke, "Oh yeah . . .it's gone . . ." He released Heero's mouth and glanced back at the others, "Just let it go."  
  
"Can't wait to see what it looks like when it comes out the other end!" Trowa stated sarcastically, "Cream of goldfish!"  
  
Heero sat up and began to whisper into Duo's ear. "What! Excuse me??" Duo stared at his disturbing friend.  
  
"Tell her!" Heero shoved Duo.  
  
Duo turned to Sally, "Um, Sally, he says you have . . .he says you have big tits!"  
  
"I wanna bite 'em!" Heero said pretending to bite something.  
  
Sally's eyes went wide and glared at the bouncy Heero, "I do not need to hear this from my patient!"  
  
"Wait, you're his doctor?" Wufei seemed a tad jealous. He couldn't imagine Sally roaming Heero's body with her eyes and hands! The thought of Sally taking advantage of Heero like that made his blood boil.  
  
Heero kept whispering into Duo's ear, Duo's eyes growing wider and wider each second. Heero finally stopped, his perversion at ease. Duo shook his head, trying to clear the disturbing images that Heero had described in full detail.  
  
Heero picked up the phone and began to dial numbers. The others watched waiting to see what a drunken Heero could do.  
  
The person at the other end of the phone must have picked up, because Heero began to speak, "Hello? Is this Shay's meat deli?  
  
Man: "Yes."  
  
Heero: "Do you have meat?"  
  
Man: "Yes."  
  
"Then you better go beat it!!" Heero slammed the phone down onto the receiver then threw himself back onto the bed laughing, while the others gasped in shock.  
  
"Heero made a funny!!" Duo said glomping onto Heero who was now coughing, "Another! Another!"  
  
"No, he will not!" Une stared Duo down.  
  
"C'mon, Heero," Duo said patting Heero's back, "Time for you to go to bed, you look tired."  
  
Heero stood up and scratched his belly before bending over and taking down his pants! The girls screamed, seeing Heero's naked ass and covered their eyes, Relena's face was as red as a tomato as she turned away.  
  
Duo clapped excitedly and grabbed his video camera from his pack.  
  
"Wow, that's more than I needed to see!" Sally laughed and slapped her knee, "Oh, but I've already seen him naked, so there's nothing new."  
  
"WHAT?!" Wufei practically screamed, "You've seen Heero naked?!"  
  
"Well I AM his doctor after all," Sally watched affectionately as Heero fought to put on his lucky pair of spandex. He was wrestling around on the floor, trying to get them on.  
  
'No!' Wufei was stunned and his shoulders slumped in shock. Sally has seen Heero naked? How? Why? This heated his blood even more and the urge for battle slowly ran through his blood as he thought of the situation even more. He said a few words to calm himself.  
  
"Damn! He's BIGGER than I am!" Duo said jealously but smiled in admiration.  
  
Heero, having dressed himself successfully, crawled underneath the covers and began squirming around. He poked his head out and smiled before his hand shot out and 'honked' Wufei's crotch.  
  
"What the hell!" Wufei grabbed himself in defense and bounced to the other side of the room.  
  
"I think his testosterone level has gone up," Une smiled.  
  
Heero crawled out of the bed, pulling himself out with his arms. He sprawled out on the bed, playing with Duo's braid, which was sitting beside him. Heero began to chew on the end of Duo's braid, occasionally coughing from the hairs itching his throat.  
  
"God, you gotta love 'im," Duo sighed as he watched Heero drool on himself.  
  
"Amen," the rest said taking some more sips of beer.  
  
There came a knock on the door. Quatre opened the door, "Yes?"  
  
"I'm with security, the rooms next to you have complained about the noise, sorry but you guys will have to go outside for the night," a man dressed in whites said looking around the room.  
  
"Oh, sorry, we'll be out in a flash."  
  
He closed the door and he turned the others, "We gotta go!"  
  
"C'mon! We can have fun on the town!" Duo glomped onto a drooling Heero, "C'mon, Chi! Let's go!"  
  
~  
  
Out on the streets, the gang could talk as loud as they wanted to now. The night air was mild, just the right temperature for some drunk people!  
  
Heero's head swiveled around as he looked at the stores on the street. Duo kept close watch on him, making sure he didn't do anything too outrageous similar to the accident with the goldfish, which was still in Heero's belly.  
  
Heero, though drunk, had some notion of what he was doing and would do something crazy when he thought Duo wasn't looking. They stopped to chat on the corner of the street and Heero began to swing on the lamppost (What? No stripping?).  
  
"You know, even though he doesn't speak much, I think what he does speaks for himself," Noin pointed vaguely at Heero who was now running full speed down the street.  
  
"OH SHIT!" Duo chased after the wild boy, who was almost out of sight by now.  
  
"Uh oh," Quatre said in a worried tone.  
  
"Don't worry he'll catch him," Milliardo said beginning to walk in that direction, "Let's start walking, we'll find them."  
  
Indeed they did find Heero and Duo, wrestling in a children's park, in sand. They arrived just in time to see Heero throw a hand full of sand in Duo's face. Luckily, Duo had closed his eyes, mouth and exhaled. He grabbed Heero by the hem of his shorts as Heero tried to crawl away, exposing his creamy colored butt in the process.  
  
"Woo! Nice ass!" Noin hooted and the rest of the girls lightly slapped her arm.  
  
Heero escaped from Duo's grasp and went a few feet away, before dropping himself back into the sand. He sprawled out and began moving his arms and legs in a singular motion, "Look, a sand angel!" He giggled before burping.  
  
"My god," Trowa said in a sarcastic tone, shaking his head.  
  
A few minutes later, it was back on the streets and Heero was more active than ever. Twice he ran screaming into Radioshack, earning a warning from the manager that if they ever came back again, they would be banned from their store.  
  
~  
  
Now exhausted from chasing the Japanese beauty all over the town, the gang strolled back to the hotel. Or, at least where they thought it was.  
  
"Where are we?" Trowa said looking at their surroundings.  
  
"Somehow I think we're on the opposite side of town!" Quatre's head swiveled around in confusion.  
  
Sally embraced Heero, his head on her chest, for comfort, who had Milliardo's jacket draped over his shoulders, holding it onto him, for it was four sizes too big. She played with his hair as he made an ill face. He groaned in discomfort.  
  
"I know, baby," Sally cooed, petting his furry head, "You're not feeling so well, huh?"  
  
"Probably has an upset stomach," Une joined Sally in petting Heero's head, "He doesn't look good."  
  
Noin saw the pained look on the poor boy's face and also joined in on the petting session. Relena just joined in for the experience of getting this close to Heero. As soon as her hand touched his head, he drew away as if her hand was suddenly filled with pure evil. She frowned, hating the thought of being dissed.  
  
"Should we follow our steps back?" Milliardo shook his head vaguely in the direction in which they had come.  
  
"It's too long and we really don't need Heero running back into Radioshack," Quatre laughed nervously.  
  
"He won't be doing that anytime soon, I think he just fell asleep on me," Sally said lifting Heero's chin, seeing his sleeping features.  
  
"That was quick," Duo said glancing back, "I didn't think he would pass out until we got into our room! I wanted to make him sniff a magic marker or something too!"  
  
Milliardo stole the sleeping beauty from Sally and slung him over his shoulder, the big jacket still draped over him, "Let's get him to bed," he patted Heero's rump, causing a giggle to arise from Noin and Une.  
  
~  
  
"Heero," a familiar voice whispered, "wake up, Chi."  
  
Heero groaned and pulled the covers tight over his head, "Go away, Duo."  
  
Duo only closed his eyes and smiled, jumping onto the bed. He jumped up and down, "Get up, Getup! Let's see that hangover!"  
  
Heero, now fully awake from the bouncing, sat up. His eyes were baggy and a bit puffy, his hair was a mess, and his face was pale.  
  
"Not a pretty sight," Duo whistled, "How 'bout a 'prairie oyster?'"  
  
"Get me some cranberry juice," Heero moaned.  
  
"I'm surprised you haven't puked yet!" Duo rubbed the poor boy's back.  
  
Heero suddenly lurched forward and burped. He covered his mouth and a yellowish green liquid oozed from between his fingers.  
  
"Iie!" Duo yanked Heero from his bed and rushed him to the bathroom. They didn't get too far, for Heero let it go all over the tile floor. "I spoke too soon," Duo chuckled halfheartedly.  
  
Heero dropped to all fours and let it all out. He coughed and looked up a bit, "What the hell is that?"  
  
Duo, reluctantly, stepped forward and leaned over, taking a look, "Looks like . . . goldfish?"  
  
Sure enough, TWO goldfish lay amid the vomit.  
  
"Wow," Heero coughed, "I don't remember eating the other one!"  
  
End to a crazy idea.  
  
~  
  
Well. That was . . . interesting. Whatever. Either you kinda' like it or you spit on it, your choice. 


End file.
